Richard Simmons worshippers from Jupiter!!!
Looking up from your long voyage of rolling down hills, you are one
tired blob of blubber. Instead of friendly, smiling faces welcoming
you, you open your eyes to a bunch of middle-aged people who have
sweatsuits of every color on and sweat bands over their fluffy hair.
They are not fat, but are slightly pudgy with untoned muscles and
high, irritating voices. In shock, you realize that these people are
all dead ringers for Richard Simmons! They all rush towards you, and
roll you off to a large building in the middle of the town. Giving you
one last good push, you roll into the building and find yourself in
the middle of a group of fat people like yourself. "Get out
while you can!!!" they scream to you desperately. Still in a
daze, you don't take their advice. Stupid you. All of a sudden, some
bright lights turn on and you see the leader of these health nuts from
hell. It's Richard Simmons himself!!! "Come on girls!! Let's
shake it!!" he exclaims. "Help Help Help!!!" cry the
overweight hostages. Some cosmic force pulls you and everyone else to
their feet and the music begins to play. "Disco Inferno"
cuts through the air. Horrified, you realize that you no longer have
control over your body. You begin dancing uncontrollably.
"What's happening to us?" you cry. Richard Simmon yells
back to you "We're making Sweatin' to the Oldies Disco Edition!!!
My videos are a huge hit on Jupiter, you know." Some people are
confused by this response, but it makes perfect sense to you. You've
always thought that anyone who liked Richard Simmons videos had to be
from another planet.
